What are you saying to yourself?
We can be our own worst enemy. Self-talk is a huge issue for women. How much energy do you think we waste with sabotaging self-talk? How much energy do you think we spend trying to undo the damage we do to ourselves with sabotaging self-talk? What do you think we could’ve accomplished if that energy had been used positively? How do we shine if we keep dimming our light because of the way we talk to ourselves?
Our inner critic.
We all have an inner critic. At times our inner voice can serve us well by keeping us motivated toward our goals, such as working out when we’d rather binge-watch Netflix. However, this same inner voice can do more harm than good when our internal monologue gets excessively negative.
What is negative self-talk?
Negative self-talk can be statements like, “I’m not good at this.” Or, “I can never do anything right.” Sometimes negative self-talk can devolve from, “I’m got a C on my algebra test,” to a fear-based projection of the future, “I’m not good at math, so I will probably fail this class and not be able to get into college.” Negative self-talk is the inner dialogue that you have with yourself that may limit your ability to believe in yourself. Believing in yourself is essential to reaching your full potential. Believing in yourself is necessary to shine.
Consequences of negative self-talk.
Studies have linked negative self-talk to low levels of self-esteem. So, what does that mean for our life? Negative self-talk can lead to:
- Decreased motivation
- Feelings of helplessness
- Depression
- Limited thinking
- Relationship challenge
How to start the process of overcoming negative self-talk.
Start with a self-talk self-check. You need to raise your awareness of what you are saying to yourself and when you are self-critical. It’s not easy because are used to many of the critical conversations we have with ourselves. So we get so used to hearing it that the conversations don’t register in our consciousness. Becoming self-aware is essential to overcoming negative self-talk. For example, pay attention to saying things to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a child or a good friend.
Change the conversation.
When you catch yourself being critical, imagine you are having an internal conversation with a close friend. Think of how you would share your thoughts with your friend. Would you be loving? Compassionate? Supportive? Instead of just treating other people the way you want to be treated, treat yourself the way you treat those you love.
Replace the bad with the good.
One of the best ways to overcome negative self-talk is to replace it with positive self-talk. The conversations we have with ourselves become our reality. We program our subconscious to guide our reality by what we believe. And when our beliefs lower our self-esteem, our reality will start to validate our feelings. But you can reprogram your subconscious to your advantage, thereby not only stopping the negative self-talk but getting your subconscious to help you have a better reality.
Your Reticular Activating System (RAS).
The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a part of our brain that makes words that get repeated over time part of our identity. So, this is the system that takes over, making our subconscious mind work to make our reality match what we are saying to ourselves. When you replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations or positive self-talk, your RAS begins to charge your identity and your reality.
Using positive affirmations.
Using positive affirmations works. I’ve used affirmations many times to achieve things I started out believing were not possible. Several years ago, I started kayaking. I live in an area with a proximity to several large rivers that feed into the Chesapeake Bay. When I started kayaking, I couldn’t cover much distance. I wanted to explore the area by kayak, but my strength and skills limited how far I could paddle in one day. But more importantly, I limited how far I could paddle because I was convinced I wasn’t athletic enough to do more than a few miles.
My desire to explore became strong enough that I got fed up with my limitations. One day I pushed myself, and I started talking to myself. Each time my paddle swished through the water, I repeated, “I am strong.” I didn’t feel strong. I felt exhausted. I used the affirmation to distract me from the heaviness in my arms and the exhaustion of my heart rate staying high for a long period of time. That mantra became my norm, and soon, I was paddling 10 miles three or more times a week. I challenged myself to enter a half-marathon, and I crushed it. I became what I told myself I was strong.
Getting out of your own way.
The biggest obstacle in all of our lives can often be ourselves. But YOU have the power to get out of your own way by changing the way you talk to yourself. It won’t happen overnight. But you can make it happen. Start with a self-talk self-check. And then love yourself enough to make improvements. You are worth it.
You might also enjoy reading, 10 WAYS TO BUILD CONFIDENCE.