When Elizabeth and I started this website, we knew that we wanted this space to be an open letter to our daughters. Our girls turned eighteen about six weeks apart, a significant milestone in any child’s life. So, we decided to celebrate this milestone by giving our daughter’s eighteen pieces of advice. Things that we have learned in our half-centuries.
Eighteen things. Eighteen pieces of knowledge that I want Kay to have as she heads off to the world. So, I created a photo album of these eighteen things (plus one) as well as space for her to add picture memories from childhood and high school.
1. BE TRUE TO YOU:
Only you can decide what is best for you, your career, your life, your future. So, spend time regularly reflecting on where you are and where you want to go and set your path accordingly.
2. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT – BE YOUR OWN BEST ADVOCATE:
There are so many times in my life that I accepted what someone was “willing” to give me. And I would later question why I did not stand up for myself.
Always ask for what you want. If the answer is “No,” then nothing has changed except you were brave and stood up for yourself, paving the way for future success.
Advocate for yourself in all scenarios. Most people who say that they want what’s best for you may have something to gain in your success. Because no one other than you can speak up for yourself. Being your advocate is like putting your oxygen mask on first.
3. YOUR VALUE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR SALARY OR JOB TITLE:
Society will want you to believe that who you are is based on how you spend sixty hours a week. But nothing is farther from the truth. So, if you plan and don’t accept the opinion of others about who you are, your job title will be something that you truly love doing, and the money will follow.
4. YOUR GUT, OR THE LITTLE VOICE IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD, IS ALMOST ALWAYS RIGHT:
If you ever feel even the smallest amount of creeped out or excited about something, respond appropriately to that feeling. So, if the feeling is creeped out, run away from whatever is making you feel uneasy. And, if the feeling is excited about pursuing something, run toward that and embrace it.
5. HAVE A BEST FRIEND THAT KNOWS YOU BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF SOMETIMES:
Your best friend should be someone that is with you through it all. They will be someone that can love you even when you are unlovable. They will be someone that can hold your hand when you are scared, have your back when things are challenging, and hold your hair or hand you a tissue when you are sick. This person will laugh with you, cry with you, plan with you, hold your dreams as dearly as they hold their own.
6. DON’T SETTLE FOR SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU WITH CONDITIONS:
The quickest way to unhappiness is trying to be something for someone else. This doesn’t just apply to relationships with significant others, but with friends, family, and employers. So, if someone/something in your life doesn’t celebrate and support your greatness 100%, they aren’t worthy of your time and energy and effort into the relationship that you have with them.
7. FIND SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR EVERY DAY:
The key to a fulfilled life is gratitude. So, even on the worst days, find something to be grateful for. I recommend starting a gratitude journal for days that you forget all that you have.
8. FIND SOMETHING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT EVERY DAY:
Happiness, I believe, is second to gratitude. Because finding happiness will help keep things in perspective. It is also one of the few emotions that people are confused by, which is sometimes fun to watch.
9. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE THAT SPEAK KINDNESS AND HONESTY:
Your Tribe should be filled with people that are honest with each other and will share that honestly productively and kindly, not destructive or hurtful.
10. IN LIFE, YOU ARE EITHER GIVING INSTRUCTIONS OR TAKING INSTRUCTIONS. BE VERY CLEAR ON THE RATIO OF THOSE TWO THINGS IN YOUR LIFE:
Regardless of where you are in the food chain of life, you will always experience both of these things. Even CEOs take instructions from others. So, always be aware that you want to create a balance in your life of giving and receiving. Be mindful and respectful, whether you are giving or receiving instructions.
11. BE AWARE OF THE EXPECTATIONS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOURSELF AND OTHERS. AND THOSE THAT OTHERS HAVE ON YOU:
Expectations, obligations, judgments, and attachments will ruin every relationship if not communicated. Once you understand how these things affect you, make the proper decision swiftly about how long you stay in that relationship.
12. LIFE IS FILLED WITH CHALLENGES:
You don’t have to succeed at all of them; you just have to get to the other side with a lesson learned. Then apply that lesson and face the next challenge.
13. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE EVERYONE’S FRIEND; YOU SHOULD BE FRIENDLY TO EVERYONE:
Trying to be everyone’s friend is exhausting and will lead you down a path to never feeling as though you are achieving your biggest goals. Because living life as everyone’s friend usually means that all of your energy is helping them achieve their goals. Just be friendly to everyone, learning interesting things about them, this is how you will find your Tribe of friends that will without question go to battle with or for you.
14. ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR ACTIONS:
Self-responsibility is probably the third most important behavior for being successful in life. Only apologize for things directly done by you to another. Be okay if someone doesn’t apologize to you for their behavior.
15. YOU ARE ENOUGH:
Just like Glinda, the Good told Dorothy, everything you need is already within you. If you know that something is right for you, don’t let other people cause you to pause and make new plans or goals to fit into their box.
16. DON’T JUST MAKE PLANS, GOALS, AND TO-DO LISTS:
Work unapologetically to achieve your desires. Don’t be afraid to change your goals as you grow and change.
17. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO DREAM AND LIVE A GREAT LIFE:
We do not require anyone else’s approval to live a life filled with things and experiences we desire. Consider being someone that gives other people permission to live their own great life. Because very few people realize that all they are waiting for to live truly is simply someone giving them permission.
18. LIFE DOESN’T GET BETTER OR WORSE. IT ONLY GETS DIFFERENT:
Life will challenge you every day. And some of those challenges will require you to make big sacrifices or just to do something different. Don’t waste a minute waiting for life to get “better.” Accept that life only gets different.
I did add a nineteenth thing, which is: You Can Always Come Home. Sometimes the best-laid plans may not turn out the way you expected, leaving you at a place without direction. Our door will always be open when you need a reset.
Elizabeth also had the opportunity to share words of wisdom with her daughter on her 18th birthday. You can read it HERE.