This post is dedicated to Sue, a beautiful woman I met on a recent flight. You got this, Sue.
The superpower of resilience:
We all have superpowers, one of mine, is knowing how to get up from a fall; also called having resilience. Is that a “superpower”? I believe it is. Life knocks everyone down; no one is immune to it. But in the social climate of “everyone deserves a trophy,” we are not cultivating a valuable power within us…getting up when the inevitable happens. We need to cultivate resilience.
The cost of not cultivating resilience:
The inability to get back up can lead to depression. Depression is a low mood that one can experience after an adverse event. Major Depressive Disorder affects more than 16.1 million American adults. Knowing how to get up from a fall didn’t come easy or quick for me, it couldn’t, that’s part of cultivating it as a superpower, it must be practiced. Yes, you can practice being resilient. As I start this conversation, I need to say that it’s okay to fall, falling isn’t failing.
When I learned how to get up from a fall:
I started cultivating resilience while riding horses. As an equestrian, the thought of falling off your horse can make you unsafe. You become rigid, worrying about staying in the saddle, rather than what you need to do to be good in the saddle. In life, the thought of falling can restrict growth and success. You become rigid and focus more on what you don’t want than what you do want. To start cultivating your power to get up from falling, or being resilient, remember, falling isn’t failing, it happens, it’s okay, yes, even if you fall more than once. How many times do you think you fell while learning to walk? Accept it happens and focus on being good in the saddle.
How I learned to get up from a fall:
I took a lot of falls in the twenty years I rode horses. Unless I was going to the hospital, the expectation was that I get back in the saddle. There was no other choice. I was allowed a few minutes to dust myself off, or sometimes to administer a little first aid, but I was not allowed to linger on the ground long enough to let fear grow more significant than my determination. After you accept that there will be times in life that you eat dirt, you have to remove the option to stay in the dirt from your responses. It’s not an option, no matter how many times you fall, the only option is to get back up.
Resilience requires determination:
There were plenty of times I swung back in the saddle when my fear was almost equal to my determination. Sitting on my horse, feeling less sure of my ability than before I ate dirt, I could have mentally gone, either way, fear, or determination. But another lesson I learned while riding horses was how to focus. I rode hunters and jumpers, having an opportunity to train many of the horses I rode to go over obstacles to compete at shows. Taking a horse over an obstacle requires focus. If you’ve never taken a horse over an obstacle, that is, let’s say, three feet or taller, watch show jumping sometime and pay attention to the focus of the rider…and even the focus of the horse. Focus trumps fear. You focus on what you are trying to accomplish and visualize what you need to do to get there.
Visualization is a tool for resilience:
After acceptance that falling isn’t failing, and it’s going to happen, and then that you don’t have a choice other than getting up, it’s time to work on your focus. Visualize what you want, and if required, fine-tune what you need to do to get you there.
For example, when taking a horse over an obstacle, it is crucial that the last stride the horse takes before its hooves leave the ground is a distance that allows them to get their legs tucked out of the way of the top of the obstacle. As the rider, you manage that stride length. Get the horses last stride too close to the obstacle, and there’s no time for the horse to get their legs safely tucked. If the last stride is too far from the obstacle, the horse will untuck their legs too early and potentially catch the top of the obstacle as they come over the top of it. The point where hooves leave the ground to jump an obstacle is called the “spot.” I ate a lot of dirt, learning where the spot was.
My focus remained on getting my horse over the obstacle; I fine-tuned gauging the spot. Eating dirt didn’t change my focus; it just changed my actions. Accept you are going to eat dirt, eliminate not getting up as a possibility, and maintain your focus.
Being resilient through a long haul:
I’ve simplified the process of how to get up when you fall but realize not everything is as simple as going headfirst off a horse, which happens quickly, you are up and then you are down. I understand that some falls happen in slow motion, like slowly sinking into debt, or slowly feeling your health deteriorate due to illness, or slowly watching your marriage end. In those circumstances, the process is the same, you repeat it more often, and maybe with more determination.
Accepting risk without fear:
I’ve taken a lot of falls outside of the riding ring, too. I had a period in my life when I beat myself up about that. I allowed myself to feel like there was something wrong with me, or at least that I was just wrong, period. It’s a terrible place to be, and I don’t suggest you visit there. It took me a while to realize the reason I fall, what seems like more times than the average person, is because I like being in the saddle, where the highest risk is, but also the greatest reward. The more you challenge yourself, the more you are going to fall. To avoid beating yourself up, and wasting precious time in life in that terrible place, don’t keep a personal score of how many times you fall, there is no positive value in that.
Resilience and pain:
Another aspect of getting up from a fall is understanding that you can get back in the saddle with an injury. You CAN ride in pain. And honestly, you need to learn how to ride in pain. You need to learn that you can handle it. Pain is not an excuse to stay down. You CAN be resilient while still suffering.
There are times when you need to heal, of course, but learning how to get up when you fall involves pushing yourself a bit when you get the chance to know when you can ride through pain and when you truly need to take a break and mend.
Are there things in your life you would do if you weren’t afraid of a fall? What would you do if you knew no matter what happened you could get back up again?
You might also enjoy reading, SELF-TALK SELF-CHECK, HOW TO GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY.