COURAGE: STANDING UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT

The number of passive bystanders to injustice far outweighs the number of active bystanders when it comes to standing up for what is right. The mindset, “I don’t want to get involved, seems to prevail.” But that mindset can be dangerous, to others, and ourselves. Because over time some situations can turn explosive when we choose to be passive.

Do you consider yourself to be an honest person? Imagine you learned that a respected coworker was submitting false expense reports as a way to steal money from the company? Do you stay quiet? Or do you speak up?

What about loyalty? Do you pride yourself on being a loyal friend? Imagine you are enjoying a social hour with friends, and the conversation turns gossipy about a friend who is not present. Would you engage in the gossip? Or would you shut it down?

Scenarios like these, and some that are much more serious, play out all around us. But, many people choose not to get involved, not realizing every time they make that choice; they erode their value system. And, do that often enough, and self-esteem can take a big hit. Because it’s impossible to maintain high self-esteem when you act against your value system.

COURAGE TO STAND UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT IS NOT A PERSONALITY TRAIT

Studies show that people who act courageously and stand up for what is right do not have different personalities than passive bystanders. And, they aren’t all outgoing, daring, extroverts. Active bystanders do have some different qualities, but courage isn’t a personality. You can learn new skills to build courage.

BELIEVING IN YOUR ABILITIES

Self-efficacy or one’s belief in their abilities to deal with various situations is the difference between active and passive bystanders. In other words, active bystanders stand up for what is right because they believe they can handle the situation.

PRACTICE

Like everything else, you need to practice courage. So, if your typical response to an unjust situation is, “I don’t want to get involved” or “I don’t do drama,”; the first step will be hard. To take the first step, you can rehearse your actions to intervene in your head, or with a friend. So when the time comes for you to step up and step in, you are more conditioned to take action naturally.

Look for small opportunities to practice the skills necessary to speak up. Take those opportunities as often as possible. For example, disengage from gossip. And stay disengaged. And then speak up to the other gossipers and ask them to refrain.

OBSERVE AND AFFIRM COURAGE

Watch how others around you act courageously and learn from them. Make a list of the skills courageous people use. Then turn those skills into affirmations for yourself and start requiring your subconscious to help you.

For example, if you are afraid to speak up in a situation because you are afraid you will lose control over your emotions, then look for people who remain calm and in control while intervening. Your affirmations might be things like:

I am calm in the face of fear.
Eye contact is easy and comfortable for me.
A sense of calm surrounds me in times of stress.
I am in control of my emotions when I feel afraid.

SOCIAL SUPPORT

Being part of a tribe of passive bystanders can make it more challenging to engage the courage to stand up for what is right. Your tribe may try to talk you out of intervening. So seek support from others who choose to engage. You may even consider seeking out a mentor.

Social support does not have to come from people of the same gender. We tend to view men as having more courage than women. I’m not sure I agree with that, as heroism is gender-neutral. But men and women engage their emotions differently. So consider both male and female friends for support in building the courage to stand up for what is right.

IF IT WERE YOU

My personal go-to for summoning the courage to stand up for what is right is asking myself, “what would I want others to do for me?” I’ve felt the negative impact of other’s not standing up for what is right. And the reality is that disappointment can hurt worse than an unjust situation. Much worse. So, realize that by doing nothing, you are supporting someone getting hurt. Because doing nothing is actually doing something; little by little eroding your values.

OUR GIFT TO YOU

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