COURAGE: MOVING ON WITHOUT CLOSURE

In this time of uncertainty, I hear a lot of people talking about “needing closure.” “Finding Closure” implies an acceptance of what has happened, honoring a transition away from finished to something new. I have even commented on a lack of closure with many facets of life. So let’s talk through a couple of them here.

SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL

Is it sad that my daughter won’t get to experience the last weeks/months of high school? Sure. We spent time talking through emotions and feelings regarding the cancellation of school. I am so grateful for her teachers and administrators for working diligently to provide some acknowledgments of their achievements. But that may not be the closure that we expected, but it is what we are getting.

But now, it is time to move on. Seriously. MOVE ON. Start talking about the future. Don’t imprison your child in your pity party of regret and sadness. Help them be excited about their next steps. Are they going to college, trade school, or military service? So stop being sad about their high school experience, not looking like YOU expected. Start talking about the future, not the past.

As a parent of a young adult, it is my job to model resilience for her. If you have a child that challenged by this disruption of “normal,” show them how to roll with punches. Life will always throw punches, teach them to get back up. Life provides opportunities to disrupt our expectations. So teach them how to cope, not shrink and wallow in the sadness of what was lost. Show them how to find closure in moments that don’t turn out the way that we had hoped.

DEATH

My aunt passed away recently. She died of leukemia. It wasn’t a surprise that she passed away, we just weren’t prepared for it to be in April. It is fair to say that no one is ready for death to happen. Even if you know a small window of time for it to happen, it is still a shock to the system.

Because of the current shelter-in-place regulations, funeral homes are not allowed to have services with more than ten people in attendance. My immediate family is 22 people. So now, we reevaluate the look of a celebration of life. Not what we as Southerners expect. How does my family get closure in her passing when we aren’t allowed to come together and mourn?

MOVING

In less than 45 days, my family and I will be moving halfway across the country to our new home. Many places of residence are not allowing in-person tours of homes, which makes finding a home a bit tricky. Adding shelter in place requirements and travel restrictions, we are searching for a home via the internet, with no opportunity for us to walk through the homes. We had planned to visit later this month to finalize a new home and for my daughter to attend her college orientation. So rather than things being all neat and planned, which is what we had expected at this time, we have to have faith that this is one area that we don’t need closure to move forward.

Another facet of our moving that will be lacking closure is seeing friends and family before we make our trek to Texas. We had planned to have a function at an event facility for friends and family to visit and to have an opportunity to say goodbye. But the city where the event was to take place has canceled all events until later in the summer. So our plan to have all of our friends in one place has been canceled. This lack of closure honestly saddens me the greatest of all of the areas that will still be hanging open.

COURAGE WITHOUT CLOSURE

We must find the courage to face a life without closure. The closure isn’t required for life to go on. Having closure is another neat and tidy way for our expectations to seem validated by life. But receiving closure is one of the many scapegoats of fear. To have great things in life, we have to be able to walk away from experiences that don’t end the way we expect them to. We have to learn to accept that not getting the “perfect” ending to all of life is okay, that we have enough information to stand up and keep moving forward.

Be willing to turn the unfinished page of life and start a new chapter. Because the lessons learned in life are more critical than closure. Take the lessons learned and write a new page. Life is that simple. Shed your expectations of the closure you think you need and grab your cape of courage and fly.

OUR GIFT TO YOU

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